the Fall and Rise of Harry Potter (Featuring guest appearances by Eragon and Saphira)
Voldermot’s evil forces had prevailed over Harry Potter’s army at the end of JKR’s monumental concluding part of the Harry Potter Series. Harry Potter’s form, trampled to death by a Unicorn and then rent asunder by a man with a Rhino’s head and a fly’s brain lay spread over a 80 yard radius in the east end battlefield. Hermione had been ravished by a monkey beast with a horse’s procreative equipment, pecked to death by a bear with a stork’s head and then impaled on a halberd for display at the south end of the battleground.
The scene was terrible… the final confirmation that Evil can prevail over good- and slam Good so hard that Good’s right and left hands could be flung 160 yards apart.
Eragon and Saphira were riding through the sky chasing a band of fleeing Rz’ac.
“Lookie here Eragon” Saphira said looking at the battlefield strewn with the dead. "Lunch!”
“Oh well…” replied Eragon. “HP and Voldie having a little lovers’ spat again.”
“So what do you say?” Saphira asked “Wanna dip down for a snack?”
“No… we can do that later… they aren’t going anywhere.”
At this point Saphira was stricken by a sudden bout of Dragon Gastrotsunamic Expulsion. Eragon felt the indication of the impending fecal blast through Saphira’s thick skin.
He held on for dear life as Saphira’s body pulsed and swung upwards as her bowels released a ton and a half of fetid Dragon fecal matter.
“Saphira” Eragon shouted “Haven’t you heard that saying – don’t defecate where you eat… or was it don’t eat where you defecate… err forget it… guess we should make other plans for lunch… What’s wrong with you!! Must be all that beer you’ve been drinking!”
The ton and a half of liquid Dragon manure floated down over the battlefield in a drizzle… a few drops fell on HP’s broken torso… miraculously, it began to twitch. His severed hand rose to life and started walking on the index and middle finger in search of the head. A few minutes later it found it… The left hand too, wandered off in search of other body parts almost stepping in a squished kidney. For two hands to search 63,101 sq yards of space takes some time… but they finally got all of HP together.
That evening HP and Hermie, as good as new, but smelling rather strongly of Dragon Manure set out to find Voldie.
The scene was terrible… the final confirmation that Evil can prevail over good- and slam Good so hard that Good’s right and left hands could be flung 160 yards apart.
Eragon and Saphira were riding through the sky chasing a band of fleeing Rz’ac.
“Lookie here Eragon” Saphira said looking at the battlefield strewn with the dead. "Lunch!”
“Oh well…” replied Eragon. “HP and Voldie having a little lovers’ spat again.”
“So what do you say?” Saphira asked “Wanna dip down for a snack?”
“No… we can do that later… they aren’t going anywhere.”
At this point Saphira was stricken by a sudden bout of Dragon Gastrotsunamic Expulsion. Eragon felt the indication of the impending fecal blast through Saphira’s thick skin.
He held on for dear life as Saphira’s body pulsed and swung upwards as her bowels released a ton and a half of fetid Dragon fecal matter.
“Saphira” Eragon shouted “Haven’t you heard that saying – don’t defecate where you eat… or was it don’t eat where you defecate… err forget it… guess we should make other plans for lunch… What’s wrong with you!! Must be all that beer you’ve been drinking!”
The ton and a half of liquid Dragon manure floated down over the battlefield in a drizzle… a few drops fell on HP’s broken torso… miraculously, it began to twitch. His severed hand rose to life and started walking on the index and middle finger in search of the head. A few minutes later it found it… The left hand too, wandered off in search of other body parts almost stepping in a squished kidney. For two hands to search 63,101 sq yards of space takes some time… but they finally got all of HP together.
That evening HP and Hermie, as good as new, but smelling rather strongly of Dragon Manure set out to find Voldie.
posted by Ajit Nathaniel at 4:25 AM
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